Our list

In the midst of most of our family and friends being in a huge snow storm; I thought it would be an appropriate time to share our list. Chris and I have been making a list of all the reasons we love Florida. Here are just a few to share with you.

1. We had our back door open while discussing the church kids Christmas party.

2. Little old women at our church are more concerned about Micah being too hot, rather then too cold.

3. I now debate if should get the Peppermint Mocha Frappacino from Starbucks.

4. We got to take Christmas pictures at the beach.

5. We see way more of Santa~ here he is in his swimsuit more then his snowsuit.

6. My coworkers started singing, "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas" last week when it was 60 degrees outside.

7. If I get stuck for hours on the interstate, it's probably because of traffic, and most likely, there is no danger of me freezing to death. (I may get mugged, but that's for another list)

8. We live within about five to ten minutes of any major shop you can imagine.

9. When it is cold, the weather people almost always say, "it's not going to get back up to 70 until..." (when we lived in Iowa, I remember distinctly the man saying, we won't see double digits all week)

10. Finally, we put the bow on top our Christmas tree while listening to music....from the ice cream truck as it came down the street.

Chris' family have all been swapping pictures this weekend of the view from their houses. Here is my little family yesterday at the Shriner's Christmas Party, riding ponies, playing outside. Thanks to Mr. Mathews for the invite. We do love the Sunshine State.

Florida Christmas

So we were thinking about mailing out Christmas cards this year. Then we thought:
who are we kidding? We'll never get that together. It's us and that requires addresses, stamps, post office, and most of all time. But, I do love these pictures, so I simply must share.

From our little family to yours, MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, HAPPY NEW YEAR, AND MOST OF ALL:
HAPPY FLORIDA (Where it's still warm and I turned on the AC today.)
PS. Just watched the weather, to all our Iowa friends and Minnesota relatives, if truth be told, I do miss a good snow day every now and then. It looks rough up there, have some hot chocolate for us. We love you all!

Santa

I've got a lot to type and no time to type it, so here is our Santa picture this year.

frisbee golf

We had so much fun yesterday playing Frisbee golf with our Sunday school class. We were with great friends, outside, all play and no work. Life doesn't get much better. Thanks to Troy and Sabrina for pulling us together. This morning we all got awards...I was given the kangaroo award. :-) I had my baby outside for several hours in November!!! A girl can get used to Florida weather. Thanks for the pic Kathy!

Working Woman

The blogs are fewer these days because I went back to work. I've actually been back for three weeks now. It's just taken a while to accept it. I do LOVE my job. I learn everyday and am forced to stay focused on what is important. It's the second part that I'm so hung up on right now. Everyday I see what a treasure family is. Everyday I see how short life can be. Everyday I watch people soaking up more time. Everyday I turn my children over to the care of someone else. It just makes no sense. It never has.

I keep asking God to open up a part time job for me. I would love for this to be at hospice, but at this point, I'm open. I want to be home. More then I've wanted just about anything. Will you say a prayer for this too, for me?

So, there, that's it. That's all I have to say right now.

I've got some important little people to get back to.

My Babies and their pumpkins

Here is Natalie in her pumpkin, she was about three and half months old in this picture.

Here is Micah in his pumpkin, he has just turned two months here.

Halloween

Some Halloween pics from the fall festival at church. We'll be going Trunk or Treating tonight!!!

Here is my lion...

Supergirl!!! She is soooo very related to her Dad and Uncle DJ. She told me she wanted to be supergirl because she is strong and beautiful. :-)

Emma made the cutest pumpkin!

Avery as a Peacock, she was adorable. She's not sure what her daddy is doing though. lol

Then Natalie and Daddy.

Finally, Micah with Heidi. She is a couple weeks older then him. She was a super cute zebra and for a while, Micah wouldn't stop staring at her. There is a picture of all four new babies in the church and when I get a copy, I'll post it too. They are already growing too fast for me.

Happy Halloween!

family and bff's

Here is Natalie with her cousin Justin. They were quite the pair this trip to WV.

Then we have Natalie and Micah with three of their four great grandparents. We will be going to see Chris' grandmama at Thanksgiving. Here they are with "Great Nanny."

Then with "PaPaw Orville and Mammaw Chip"

And, the ultimate act of love, Scott and Laura watched the three girls so their parents could go to Bible Study together. They are brave and wonderful. These girls love each other and fight all in the same minute. Isn't that what all good girl BFF's do?

A quick video

Here is some video that I took on my cell phone, Uncle DJ you rock! (He gave me this phone.) Anyways, I took this video in Micah's happiest place on earth, the changing pad. He is turning into quite the "talker." Enjoy.

Missing Somer

I'm sure that most of you have heard this on the news, but it never hurts to see her picture one more time. I don't have many blog followers, but you are all spread throughout the country so I just thought I'd share this with you. EVERY missing child story makes me pause as I pray for the family and that the child will be found. This one just hits really close to home, because, well, it is here, at home. When the police announced they were expanding the search and questioning sex offenders in a five mile radius, I realized our home is in that circle. We've all been looking for her since Monday evening. Yesterday we were stopped at a light and given a flyer with Somer's picture and info. Chris and I had our first conversation with Natalie about missing children and mean people. I'm crying as I type this. Why is it seriously not safe to allow our kids to walk home from school? Anyways, my mom asked me this morning how we talk about it with Natalie without scaring her. My response? I'm not opposed to scaring her. I don't know if that is right or wrong and when I finish this I'm looking up advice, but a little fear may protect her. Apparently, fear is what helped another little girl in the same neighborhood, ten days ago when a car full of strangers approached her. Fortunately a good Samaritan with courage intervened and that little girl is safe. I pray for a good Samaritan for Somer. I pray that she is found safe. Selfishly, I pray that my family will never face such a nightmare. I pray that the worst thing Natalie survives is a Mom who scared her a little more then necessary. Please join us in our prayers and looking about for Somer.

Last week

We had a wonderful trip last week. It's always fun to see family and friends. This is just a brief blog to include a link to Natalie and Micah's first professional pictures. It was quite the ordeal. If Natalie was happy, Micah was not. If he was okay, then she wouldn't sit still. There are a bunch of pictures, mostly because Micah decided to eat during his photo session so the photographer just followed Natalie around the different props and took her picture. There are some great shots. Here is the link: http://www.associatedphotography.ifp3.com/ Just click on gallery and Hall babes. Some of our pictures to follow soon.

First trip.

We are getting ready for a much needed trip to NC and WV. I'm very excited to introduce Micah to more family and friends. Natalie is super excited too. She's been counting down the days to the trip. Micah is still a great baby and we are most thankful.

God has been doing some super cool things here with our friends. To the BLT: I am loving this Bible study, thanks for being so open to God's leading.

Here are some pictures of our little family. Hopefully, we'll see you soon! :-)

How quickly we go from this:

to this: (Micah weighed 10 lbs 15 oz last Friday.)

This is what earning 20 stickers looks like, we've had several nights of Natalie sleeping now! YAHOO!

Our beautiful daughter

My lovely daughter still does not sleep well through the night. Her four week old brother sleeps better then her. Everything I read about this tells me that it's time to stop rocking her to sleep or staying by her bed until she falls asleep, it says that when she learns to put herself to sleep, she will sleep through the night. All fine and good, except Natalie does fall asleep by herself and still doesn't sleep through the night. She just has this burning desire to alert us anytime she is awake. She may want a drink but she just wants to touch base. We are now desperate and trying all kinds of things to help her. Here are some recent, funny (now that's it's morning) really irritating conversations with her in the middle of the night.

We gave her a flashlight (she can't sleep with a nightlight on) so she can find her drink two inches from her on the nightstand without our assistance. We played with the flashlight and talked about it all day. She was excited. "Remember", we told her, "you don't have to wake up mommy and daddy if you need a drink, just turn on your light and get it."

11:30 PM. Blood curdling scream from Natalie, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!"

I go sprinting any there.

"Hey Mommy, I woke up, turned on my light and got a drink, all by myself. I didn't even wake you up."

I said, "yep that's great, now let's see if you can do this all night and just count how many times you wake up. You can tell mommy in the morning how many times you got a drink by yourself."

A few nights later:

2:10 am. Blood curdling scream from Natalie: "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
He goes in and she can't find her flashlight. Chris explains again that we are tired and we are sleeping. He gets her light and says, "please let daddy sleep, daddy is tired."

3 something am: "Mommy! Mommy!" (only two Mommy's I had just finished feeding Micah)
"Natalie what do you want?"

"Well, Mommy, I yelled for you cause Daddy wants to sleep."

Okay, new plan. STICKERS. She gets two stickers every time she goes all night without yelling for us. She can use these stickers to earn all kinds of things, ice cream, more stickers, an extra tv show, a doll, or her current ultimate desire: a jump rope. She must save 20 stickers for it. First night of stickers, home girl slept all night and didn't wake us up. We praised her and praised her and gave her the two stickers. Next night, she slept all night. Throughout the day she earns stickers for other things too and yesterday she cashed in ten stickers for the doll. We explained she starts over now and can earn them all again. She seemed cool with this.

Last night:

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" (I'm dragging in her room.)

"I need help finding the flashlight."

"Natalie it's right there, remember you won't get a sticker now okay?"

"that's okay, Mommy, I just want the light."

It's been three years, two months, and twenty-three days.

We are NEVER going to sleep again.

Any ideas?

The grocery store

I saw her at the grocery store tonight. She was not making eye contact with anyone. She was walking through the isles, head down, only barely looking up to grab the items she needed. She seemed to be on an absolute mission to get in and out without talking to anyone. It's probably why she picked a Sunday afternoon to go there, maybe there is less chance of running into anyone who knows anything.

She is the wife of one my patients that died not long ago. I watched her, wondering if I should approach her. I watched other people hurry by her, her lack of eye contact made her very easy to ignore. I watched person after person fly by her, in and out, all focused on the most mundane task of grocery shopping.

Emily said in church this morning, this Bible study is to help us, "do life together." Her words echoed in my mind as I left the store. Life is so ordinary. Life happens all the time. Life occurs while we run past people who are so hurt. How can one person be in so much pain, surrounded by others, and no one notice? How did they not see her sadness? How was it so missable?

I chose not to speak with her this time. I prayed for her to feel God all around her today, but for reason's I'll never fully explain, I chose not to reveal her wound in the store of strangers, where she could hide. I knew if I spoke to her, she would have to talk again, she did not appear to want that.

And, by the grace of God, she could be me. Her husband, just four years older then mine when he was diagnosed. He died two years later, leaving her with three children. My kids would be nine and six. I chose to leave her alone, because she reminded me of me the day I met her. I know that if it were me in the store today, I would have gone alone to be alone. Something must feel ordinary after such great loss. Maybe Publix could be her ordinary today. She didn't need her hospice social worker to shatter that for her.

Right or wrong to not approach her? I'll never know. I have to believe right, because God would have let me run right into her if not. Right because she needed to be prayed over, even if she never knew the prayer was whispered within her ear shot, just behind her. Right because God reminded me today that we NEVER KNOW.

We never know what those around us are experiencing. Life is so very hard. People are everywhere. I'll bet everyday we are face to face with strangers experiencing unimaginable pain. Try to notice them tomorrow. Try to pick them out, and pray, if you should approach them or not. By all means, don't miss them. They are so sad.

I came home, hugged my husband and went about this evening. How I wish she could have done the same.

Picture blog

Life is getting busier as Micah is becoming more alert and aware of his surrondings. He still sleeps a lot, but is definetly opening his eyes more too. He loves his sister and often responds to her more then the rest of us. He is a thumb sucker and Natalie has discovered if she gives him her fingers, he will suck them too. Of course, she washes her hands first. It just cracks us up.

Micah is growing, growing, growing. And, yes, he is mad enough about wearing the hat that he is standing mostly on his own, I love newborn reflexes. :-) If only the reflexes wouldn't disappear so quickly. I promise he looks bigger and different to me all the time. Here are several pictures during the last few weeks. Enjoy!

Saturday mornings

Saturday, two weeks ago, Natalie climbed into our bed to snuggle in and watch cartoons. This "on demand" child has become accustomed to any show that she wants to watch being available to her whenever she is ready. Except for Strawberry Shortcake. This show only comes on Saturday mornings at 7. This show makes her appreciate the cartoon world that we used to know as Saturday mornings.

So, back to two weeks ago. She climbed into our bed and started watching her show. She wiggles and snuggles, giggles and talks, making it impossible to sleep late. Chris groaned and I suggested we soak it up because this would be our last Saturday just us three. Chris and I both laid there quietly as that statement hung in the air between us. Then, we enjoyed the morning together, a berry morning and all.

This past Saturday, I was lying in bed, feeding Micah when Natalie joined us. As Chris turned on her cartoon, we all got settled and I had to laugh. This felt SO normal. All four of us, as if life had always been this way. "Was that really just two weeks ago", I said to myself. Then I felt a twinge of guilt. I was almost mad then at the idea of my last Saturday with just my baby girl. Today, nothing, and I mean nothing, is better then the four of us. I don't know how our hearts grow to accommodate the love we have for our children, but yet again I am amazed. I knew I would love Micah. I knew he would be every bit as precious as Natalie is to me. But I could never understand until I met him.

In just two weeks, he has gracefully landed in our home and hearts. In just two weeks, I can't remember not thinking of him and praying for him. I say in just two weeks, it really was two seconds. I heard him cry and instantly I was consumed by both of my babies. I wanted to know he was okay and I wondered what Natalie would think, all at the same time. I love them both for a million reasons, most of all, because God made them mine.

Having Natalie gave me a better understanding of God's unconditional love for me. Having Micah gave me a better understanding of His unconditional love for us all. I never understood how He doesn't have favorites or love some more then others. Now I know. Regardless of it all, God says He loves us because we are His. We have His attention, His grace, and His love. Simply and only because we are His.

That makes me "berry" grateful indeed.

A picture update

What a week! Today, Chris is back at work, Natalie is at day care, and family has all gone back home. I looked at Micah this morning and said, "well, it's you and me kid." He looked really worried and although I assured him that his sister survived, he still was concerned. He has rightfully earned the nickname, "Mr. McGoo" with his facial expressions. So far, he has been a great baby. Natalie was never a good sleeper. The last three nights, I've had to set my alarm clock to wake him up every three hours to eat. I keep waiting for him to stretch really good, realize he has joined the world, and get loud. But, I'll enjoy the quiet for now too. I think second babies are great cause I'm less stressed and soak up the moment more. Here a few pictures of our new family.





You can click on Chris' blog for a few more pictures.

Welcome Micah Christopher!

Just a picture to show off the new little guy. Aunt Sarah took some amazing pictures that we will upload soon. In the meantime, enjoy this one taken just a few minutes after he was born. Two for two with both babies born on their due date! :-) We are home and are adjusting. More soon.

7 lbs 11 oz
20 inches long

Uncle Raymond

Most of you know that Chris' Uncle Raymond passed away earlier this week. We had the funeral service today and it was a beautiful service, full of stories and love for Uncle Raymond. Even though it is my job to help people walk others through times likes these, I struggled with how to help Natalie understand death. The following is our conversation at the visitation last night.

Me: "okay, lets go look at Uncle Raymond, remember he cannot talk to us."

Natalie: "okay."

Natalie: looking in the casket: "he looks like he is sleeping."

(You shouldn't explain death as sleep to a child because they may fear going to sleep themselves. So I say)

Me: "I know he looks like he is sleeping, but he is not, he died."

Natalie: "but if I'm loud, I could wake him up... UNCLE RAYMOND!"

Me: "Shhhhhh. No baby, we cannot wake him up. He has died."

Natalie: "When will he wake up?"

Me: "well, when Jesus comes back."

Natalie: "Mommy, did Jesus go bye bye too?"

(Okay, now I'm really struggling.)

Me: "you see Jesus is in our hearts, but when we get to see his face, then we will see Uncle Raymond again and many other people who have died."

Natalie: "oh, why are those flowers covering up his feet?"

Me: "because he is like us and his feet might stink and the flowers smell good."

Natalie: "Oh."

Not getting hospice social worker of the year this time folks. :-)

We will all miss you Uncle Raymond!

Why I love being pregnant.

Things people have said to me:

"Wow you are so big!"

"Are you sure you are due so soon? You are so little."

"Oh, the way you are carrying that baby, it must be a boy."

"Oh, the way you are carrying that baby, it must be a girl."

"I would double check the doctor, because that's a girl."

"Just make the doctor check your cervix, that will send you into labor."

"You sure have dropped. You'll have that baby any time now."

"You haven't dropped at all, I bet it will be a while."

"You are probably wondering when you will get your chance."

(After two of the three of us preggo folks delivered this past week)

"Well, I guess we know your next."

"Are you sure your eating enough?"

"You look really tired."

"You look so great!"

The above is just what I can remember from my conversations with others in the two and a half hour span of church for me this morning.

For the record, assuming that Micah is a boy and the doctors are not wrong, I have carried my two babies of two different sexes the exact same way.

It's time to give up the idea that we can predict sex this way.

Again, assuming, Micah, is in fact, a boy.

And yes, since two out of three of us have had our babies, (and I am not due yet) I'm hoping I'm next, or someone else has kept a very big secret.

:-)

Micah's room

His room is ready.

Our bags are packed.

His car seat is in the van.

Now, we wait....

A day

Less then three weeks. That’s how much time until Micah’s due date. Right now, I’m trying to motivate myself to start working. I’m tired and I really could just sit and watch television all day. However, if I decided to stay at home, I know myself well enough to know I would do anything but sit.

It’s a hard morning to start. My young patient died early this morning. She has three children, the youngest is 12. Her daughter and I sat and talked for a while yesterday. She knew we were this close to her mom’s death. I think she knew it better then all the adults in her family. For a few minutes she pulled out her baby book and we looked at it together. She smiled at some of her pictures that only a mom would take. I felt Micah moving about inside of me. I ached for this mom. She’s fought hard. We want to watch our children grow up. It’s a hard hospice day. Young adults, children, strange deaths, all make for hard days.

I heard it again yesterday from another patient’s sister. “It takes a special person to work this job.” Not really. I get tired of hearing that. I want to say “it takes a special person to live as though death never happens.” That would be unprofessional though. 

I have a good job. God allows me to talk with people when they are faced with the end. Some of them are challenging, some accepting, but life ends for them, ready or not.

My job is good because it reminds me all the time that I am no different then my patients. Ready or not, I’ll face it like them someday.

My job, I would like to believe, forces me to spend more days on the ready side, more days soaking up my family, more days with more important things to think about. More days about people and less days about stupid stuff. At least, that’s my goal. I hope I accomplish it.

One of the best weddings...

One of my good friends got married on Saturday. No stress. No chaos. Just the bride and groom, the preacher, two witnesses, and two kids. We all arrived at the park, surveyed the land and our bride picked the picture perfect spot. Right under the shade of giant Florida tress with the river in the background, they got married. In ten minutes all was complete and everyone was smiling.

I watched them laugh and soak up the moment. I watched the bride stare at her new husband and manage to look at moss with her son in the same second. I smiled myself as we convinced her little boy to stand still for a picture. I watched the groom, with his eyes fixed on his bride the entire time; probably because no one was there to distract them. Everyone over eighteen had a place to sign on the marriage certificate. As I autographed my name, I thought, this is probably exactly how it is supposed to be. No distractions. Just each other and the commitment of a lifetime. It is without a doubt, one of my favorite weddings.

Our couple hasn't seen the pictures yet, so I'll just show you a few of our family before the wedding. I tried to seize the moment and actually get a decent maternity shot with Natalie. I know you all may be tired of the orange dress, but it's the only one that works right now. So here are a few pictures:

Duck Saga-Part-The End

Who knew ducks could cry? I knew momma's could, so I guess it makes sense that momma duck could cry too. Finally, much to our sadness, Chris took the remainder of Momma Duck's eggs down to the retention pond. There were eight left and none of the eggs have ever hatched. A few have just randomly disappeared one at a time. Momma Duck rarely left the eggs so we had to wait for a moment that we were able and she was gone. That moment came last Saturday. Chris was cleaning the garage and realized she had left. So he moved the eggs and filled the hole. A while later, I left to go to the store. That's when I heard her. She was in front of our bushes with a soft little moan. It broke my heart. I told her I was sorry. I told her it happens sometimes. I still can't believe I talk to this duck. I didn't quite realize the household member she had become. I've look at the empty space every morning and every night to check on her when I'm at the door. Natalie says every time we go in and out, momma duck is gone and she is sad. Our friends have commented that she isn't there anymore to greet them with a hiss. I think the only one not missing her is the UPS guy and salesman. She was more of a house guard then our dogs are. We didn't get any salespeople at our door while she sat there. But alas, sometimes life doesn't go as planned. Hopefully Momma Duck is surrounded by her little duck friends right now. So, this is the end of our duck story. Let's hope she lays eggs somewhere else next year. :-)

Then she turned three...

This week has been one long celebration of Natalie's third birthday. This year we took her to the store and let her pick out the theme for her party. She chose Minnie Mouse~ which was fun for all of us.

For a birthday supper, we had Minnie Mouse pancakes (well she and daddy had pancakes, my blood sugar went up just watching them.) Something about this picture makes me realize how grown up she really is:












Natalie helped me make cupcakes for her day care class to eat on her birthday. She is big enough to actually help, which made it fun for both of us. She can now crack an egg in the bowl and not drop any shell. I still don't do that well.







We went in with some other family members and bought a swing set for her this year. Chris and several friends spent all day Thursday putting this bad boy together. She LOVES it. We wanted to show it to her on Friday, the day of her party. We managed to keep her from seeing it all night Thursday night. Then, before we had cameras ready, Natalie sees it Friday morning and says, "look Mommy a new slide."














Her party was Friday afternoon. Chris made the Minnie Mouse cake. He did awesome. (this time my blood sugar went up because I had a tiny piece, I couldn't resist after smelling it all day.) :-) It was so delicious.













Natalie had a great time with friends. The highlight? KK and Papaw surprised all of us and drove here from WV. They arrived about on hour before the party. It was so much fun.

So as a repeat of last year: I love you baby big girl. Here are a few things that make you who you are at three:

1. Why? We have entered the world of why? You usually ask me endless why's despite all of my answers, you have more whys. When Daddy answers you, your response is usually, "oh."

2. You are more assertive and independent now then ever. And you've always been both.

3. I keep telling people that I think you've lost your ability to hear. You are now of the opinion if you pretend you don't hear us, then you don't have to listen. I think we are all learning more about grace and mercy at this point.

4. You LOVE to color. You are staying in the lines most of the time. You can trace your name and really love having us color with you.

5. You can "read" a lot of your letters. You know how to spell your name and can count to 20. (you skip number 17 occasionally). You can also count to ten in Spanish. When I asked who taught you that, you said, "Dora."

6. Speaking of Dora, you haven't watched her as much lately. You have turned into quite the Max and Ruby fan.

7. You are still a Daddy's girl.

8. You and Mocha are almost inseparable these days.

9. You are very excited for the new baby. I was still wavering on what his name would be. We kept debating Micah, Caiden, something else. Then, you came home from VBS with a picture you made of a boat. Micah was written on the boat because you asked for it to be. I asked you if we could name the baby Caiden instead of Micah. You laughed for a long time and said, "no mommy, that's silly, Micah can't turn into Caiden." So, Micah, whenever you are reading this, Natalie really finalized what your name would be.

10. You are sweet, kind, and usually nice. You act much older then three and everyone is shocked when they hear your age.

11. You tell us God lives in your heart. You also tell me He doesn't have a mouth to talk. Our daily prayer, is that one day, your little ears will hear his voice for the first time and you'll spend all of your life in awe of who He is and captured by His love.

12. Know I have treasured each day with you. Even when we have been rushed, busy, and running, I still love you. Even when you throw yourself down on the floor in a scream, I walk away because I love you. Even when you throw yourself in my arms with a big hug and kiss, I love you. Even when you tell everyone no at church and act like a crazy kid, I love you. Even when you are nice and smile and say thank you, I love you. Even when you mark on the walls, I love you. Even when you color perfectly in the lines on a page, I love you. Even when you are at your worst, I love you. Even when you are at your best, I love you. Never will there be a moment of your life that I don't love you.

13. I told you this morning on the way to church: "Natalie, I like you." You laughed and said, "Mommy, you are so weird."

14. Even when you think I'm weird, I love you.

30

I turned 30 last week. I had a great day, Chris, Natalie, and everyone spoiled me a bit. That's always fun. Chris drew me an awesome picture of tulips and framed it to match our room. (plus he and Natalie gave a gift certificate for a manicure and pedicure- I can't wait.) I am more then impressed with him all of the time. We went out last night and had a date. I love that we still have fun. Here are a few pictures~ enjoy the very preggo belly. :-)






And my goal for this year, well, it's a big one. My goal for my thirtieth year on this earth is:

I want to finish peeing before the toilet automatically flushes and splashes my butt.

Let's pray that I can make that happen.

To my patient

I am so sorry.

I'm sorry that your death was as chaotic as your life.

I'm sorry that despite all of our efforts, your parents made life miserable for you up till your last breath.

I'm sorry that it all went down the way it did last night.

I'm sorry that you felt like your mom was "finally being a mom" simply because she was present.

I'm sorry that your family continued to steal your medications.

I'm sorry you died last night without anything for pain, because of their decisions.

I'm sorry you didn't have anything for pain because I feel like somehow, being the destroyer of your narcotics, makes me to blame as well.

I'm sorry that we weren't there.

I'm sorry that the law wouldn't let us go later.

I'm sorry you died there, you told me you didn't want to be there.

I'm sorry you were younger then me.

I'm sorry you never really knew what a mom was supposed to be about.

I'm sorry your dad was as he is.

I'm sorry that the entire system failed you from the day you were born until this morning, the day you died.

I'm sorry that for the first time in my life, it was your death that made me believe there are some people who really cannot be helped.

I'm sorry that it will take me a few days to sort through this and know we did make your life better.

I'm sorry all we could offer were bandages for physical wounds, hands to check you over, and an ear to hear only a piece of who you were.

Most of all, I'm sorry that you were never, ever, ever, given a chance to discover who you were.

Really.

I am so very sorry.

A much needed update

Here is a much overdue update from our household. Between work, church, vacations, Natalie, house remodeling and just pure exhaustion, this blog has definitely taken a back seat. But, here we go.

Momma duck is still sitting on her eggs. We are trying to determine the best way to tell her they are likely not going to hatch. Any ideas?

We all ventured to Disney World last weekend. We met up with Chris' Mom, Grandmama, and other family for the Magic Kingdom last Friday. Then my parents came down for the weekend and we went with them to Animal Kingdom on Saturday. Natalie was fairly impressed this time around with the all the activity. The whole weekend she just really, really, really, wanted to see Minnie Mouse. Late Saturday, she had her chance. Mickey and Minnie were together. She totally by passed Mickey, who offered her a high five, and ran to Minnie, and gave her a hug and kiss. Here is the cute picture of the event.



Then back to real life this week. Work has been busier then I could ever explain. I've got far more patients on a caseload then I should, but it changes so fast. They are trying to get our numbers back down, which will be nice.

And, the pregnancy is going well. I do have gestational diabetes again. :-( Very distraught about this. I had pretty well convinced myself that I didn't have it with Natalie, but the three hour test here confirmed it all. My numbers were pretty high. So I'm back on a strict diet of lots of protein and not so much of anything that I like. My blood sugar is being a little more unpredictable this time around too. It's either pretty low or a little high. I see the doctor again this week and am curious to see what they say. I'm being good though, so it's frustrating. As for the baby, he's bouncing and moving and seems quite active. Natalie is enjoying singing to him and feeling him kick her. Pray for her though. I don't think she is grasping that he will be out of my belly one day. :-)Here is a good prego pic while I'm convincing Natalie to stand with Jimminy Cricket.



We are starting to plan for my baby girl's third birthday party in a few weeks. I still can't wrap my mind around that. I look at her with her new hair cut and know there is no baby left in that child. She's independent, feisty, bold, hysterical, and quite loving. If this boy is laid back I'm afraid he won't stand a chance against her.



Well, that's all for now, we are off for groceries and all that is Saturday. Have a great weekend!