Micah 6:6-8

"But he's already made it plain how to live, what to do, what GOD is looking for in men and women. It's quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don't take yourself too seriously-take God seriously."







Wednesday, April 01, 2015

Forgetting Jail



I gown up in all the isolation attire and walk into his room in the ICU. His monitors are beeping, lights flashing, and he is gasping for breath. His entire body is swollen with sickness. His arms are so big that his hand cuffs are unimaginably tight. I start talking to him and take his hand. I try simply holding both hands for a moment. He looks up at me and speaks one painful word at a time between labored breaths. "I. Am. So. Scared." We talk, for as long as his body will allow, and I leave to let him rest. I walk past his guard and start removing the isolation gown. "You know what he did mam"? I look at the guard. "No" I tell him. And I walked out of the room. "Do you want to know"? "No" I said again.

In another room at another time and another person. There is this tiny frame bundled under blankets. He looks cold and miserable. As he pulls the blanket up over his head, the guard yells at him loud enough to terrify all of us. "Get that off your head now!" I reach up and pull the blanket down. I square off with the guard asking if he is allowed a hat since he is so cold. "I guess so" says the guard. As I leave to find a hat, I see this geniune smile just barely over the blanket. "You know what he did right"? I look toward the guard. In a second, I size up this guard and decide he will not be of any assistance in acutal crisis. "Nope" I tell him.

I don't want to know. There was a time when I did. Or when I looked it up myself. There was a time when it mattered. But it doesn't anymore. They are dying. I can walk in and simply see them as human beings taking the journey that is destined for us all, criminal or not. I can more geniunly hold their hand, look into their eyes, listen to their hearts, or let them yell in anger if I do not know. Their past is really of no significance to me in this moment, because they need my love and care.

If I know, if I find out that they robbed a bank, or murdered someone, or assualted a female, or a DUI, or stock fraud, or child abuse, I can't do anything with that knowledge. I still do my best to serve them, even when I know. When the guards treat them as less then human, most prisoners develop a hatred for the guard. It becomes a lovely cycle. It makes me think of a verse in Lamentations 3:39- "Why should any living mortal, or any man, offer complaint in view of his sin"? The guards come with a set of rules the prisoners must follow. The prisoner really has no right to complain, since he chose to commit a crime. But, what about me? Lamentations doesn't just apply to prisoners. I have sinned too. A lot. In view of my own sin, I really don't have any right to complain either. I deserve a punishment too.

This has given me such a different perspective on verses like Jeremiah 31:31 “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” We talk a lot in the church about God forgiving us and forgetting our sins. The magnitude of His forgetfullness hits me every time I think of our prisoners. Perhaps, God chooses to forget, because it is how He forgives. It's how He makes us clean. When we ask for His forgiveness, Jesus' blood cleanses us, washing away it all, including the memory. Because, well, because God tell us that He chooses to forget. It's grace and mercy in the same moment. The grace of forgiveness and the mercy of letting it go. As far as the east is from the west. Our sin is gone.

I imagine a day in my future. Standing before a throne surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses. I can imagine feeling afraid, small, and unsure while taking in such extreme Holiness. I can see Satan running to God and saying, "You want to know what she did"?

And as I tremble, I can feel my Savior take both my hands in His and simply say, "No".





Saturday, January 10, 2015

Homeless man Sam

It's been a crazy week. The sorta crazy that makes my head spin in a thousand directions. The crazy that finds Chris in class every night and all day today. One where my kids started school after Christmas break and need to remember their routine. And the extra splash of Mammaw's birthday last Wednesday, the day that left me in tears faster then I realized it could happen.

That's the crazy I'm talking about. In the midst of it all, I convinced my kids this morning that going to the grocery store would not be the end of the world. While driving, they were amazingly content reading books to each other. In their contentment, I found myself remembering. One vividly strong memory flooded me.

I was standing in the dining room of Papaw and Mamaw's house. Sam was at the door, again. It was lunch time. Mamaw scurried about making a sandwhich, getting some fruit, and a drink. She stopped at the pantry on the way to the door and slipped in a swiss cake roll. Sam always told her thank you. She always asked God to bless him.

"Mamaw, why does Sam come by for food?" I asked. I was old enough to know that was not usual, but young enough to have no answer on my own. "Because he is hungry", she replied.

She didn't tell me he was homeless. I never recall her telling me that he was an alcoholic. I don't really even remember her grumbling, except when he came at a different time. Although, my bet is that's because she didn't have it ready and she hated to make people wait. Even Sam.

Mamaw was always busy. And my Papaw worked harder and more hours then I will ever begin to know. Yet, she still had time to make Sam a lunch. Although, I do not know what else they did for Sam, I have memories of Papaw going out to check on him, if they didn't see him for a few days. Sam had to know these were people who loved him. Sam knew that knocking on their door, was safe.

I pulled in the grocery store this morning. Grateful for the money to buy food. Grateful for the crazy life that I call mine. Grateful for Grandparents and Parents who made loving others the normal way of life. No questions. No strings. No should have's or judgements. Just a simple brown bag that had food instead of alcohol. That contained a swiss cake roll. In hindsight, I never saw either of my Grandparents eat one of those. Yet they always had them.

Always.

Love God. Love others. Simply because God asked us to.