8-13-07
"Dear Father,
Let's get real. Well, you're always real~I'm great at pretend. I'm a walking oxymoron. I've always wanted to work in a hospice. I love the city. I can do anything. All I want is to stay home with Natalie. I have to get out of the house. I trust you to provide money. I must get out and make some money. I hate the city. I miss Iowa. I hate the state of Iowa. I miss all the people in Iowa. Except her. I should love her and forgive her, but I haven't and I don't. I miss all my friends in WV. I only have a few friends. I want more friends. I don't want to spend the time it takes to build real relationships. I want to be authentic. I like my big, tall, walls. Seriously, what is wrong with me? I am so wishy-washy all of the time. I need you Lord. You are the only constant thing in my life. And, even, with you ~I crave everything about you ~ yet I so easily wander and lose focus. Heather said 'only you can change my heart.' 'Only you can change my heart.' 'Only you can change my heart.'
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Only you. Only you. How do I give it to you to change? Do I have to? Will you just take it? Please? I'm slow. I'm unresponsive. I grab onto you for the shock. We get a good rhythm and I get up and move. I don't want to move anymore. I need you. Please keep me Lord. Please save me...from myself. I know I was created in your image to bring you glory. Please make me look more like you and most of all forgive me. Please always and daily be my Savior. Please make me bring you glory. Thank you that you are God. Thank you most of all that I am not. You are God. I'm an oxymoron.
In Jesus' name,
Amen"
2 comments:
oh allison, I completely relate.
COMPLETELY.
thanks for sharing this with us.
i love you and miss you!
how's the new j.o.b?!?!?
Me too! It really just hit home.
Hope your having a good day! Give us a call soon.
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