For life

John Waller - The Blessing
From the album The Blessing

Chorus:
Let it be said of us
While we walked among the living
Let it be said of us
By the ones we leave behind
Let it be said of us
That we lived to be a blessing for life

Let it be said of us
That we gave to reach the dying
Let it be said of us
By the fruit we leave behind
Let it be said of us
That our legacy is blessing for life

This day
You set life, you set death right before us,
This day
Every blessing and curse is a choice now
And we will choose to be a blessing for life

Let it be said of us
That our hearts belonged to Jesus Let it be said of us
That we spoke the words of life
Let it be said of us
That our heritage is blessing for life

For your Kingdom, for our Children
For the sake of every nation

It's the third time in three weeks I've been asked the question; and, it's really starting to get on my nerves.

"Can't we just, *wink wink* hurry this up?" Or, in this case a similar question:
"So at what point will hospice go ahead and put her in a drug induced coma."

I no longer have the horrified look on my face that some of you have reading this. The question bothers me and irritates me and makes me angry, but it no longer shocks me.

"We don't do that" I say. We make sure our patients our comfortable. In the last few days of a natural progression to death, people are often unresponsive due to their disease, not our medication.

My answer is almost ALWAYS followed by the individual saying, "well I had this friend that died in hospice and that's what they did for him."

Again, I'll say, something like, Well I don't know what your friend's situation was; however, this is not an option. On a very rare occasion do we ever have to medicate someone that heavily. We only do it when their pain is so out of control it is inhumane and all other methods of pain control have been exhausted. Then and only then, will a doctor ever consider enough medication for pallative sedation. We NEVER make anything go faster.

Something about Friday morning. The family I was having this conversation with is driving me crazy. We aren't even sure their mom is appropriate for hospice (meaning I'm not sure her prognosis is six months or less) and they are asking us when we'll make her sleep. At least with other families it tends to be because their loved one has suffered and fought for years. Not so much with this family. They just have their lives to get back to.

I got in my car and replayed that daughters ramblings in my mind as I drove to the next home. Not even 24 hours ago and I was having such a different conversation.

"Do you understand how sick your wife is?"

That's all I had to ask and he sat with me and cried. He's in his ninety's and she's almost there. She wanted to live to take care of him. It's not looking like she'll get her wish.

I pulled out one of our books that walks through the dying process and read through it with him. Tears were running down his cheeks as he saw so much of her on those pages. He's hesitant to give the medications because he doesn't want to hurt her. He wants to have her with him for more days. They've been together over sixty years and he wants more. As does she.

It took my almost ten minutes to walk her from the living room back to her bed. She is existing on sheer will and determination at this point. She is only allowing us to provide extra care because she believes it will help him. She is still fighting to take care of him. She wants more days too.

I got her comfy in bed, kissed her head, told her I loved her and walked out. She was sound asleep before I got down the hall. I sat back down with him for a few minutes more and was on my way.

Two very different families. It's Sunday, and after a very full weekend, I still can't process these scenes happening so close together. That's the nature of working with hospice.

It's a good weekend to process it all. It's a good weekend to remember that Jesus conquered death a long time ago. It feels good to celebrate that today. Unless Jesus returns, death will come to all of us. In different ways at different times. But it's arrival is a certainty. So is death's ending. I can't wait for Jesus to come, take us all home, and let us live together. No pain, no medicine, no *wink wink*, no goodbyes.

And knowing that everyday I truly live in a world where God has set death and life right before me, I pray that it will be said of me, that I lived to be a blessing for life.