The Mood

I have had one of those generally sad, really down days today. Part of this is most likely post vacation slump. Some of it is I really miss my family. A bit is that Natalie is about to be four in a couple of days and I can't believe how that is possible. Her birthday is followed by Micah's and I feel like I've spent less time with him in his first year then I ever imagined I would. These thoughts lead me to the fact that I still don't have a part time job. We still need my job for health insurance. Blah, blah, blah.

I have noticed though. Nothing subtle about it. I've seen it. Several times it made me smile. And right now, I'm reminding myself of it. So I type in order to acknowledge it.

It? God has been sending a lot of things my way to encourage me. More then usual. Enough extra encouragement that it got funny. Enough to make me realize He was initiating it. Enough to get my attention. I almost feel like with every blow today, He followed it with something good.

I walked into a gas station and the cashier sees my badge and says, "psychosocial specialist???" I tell her, in my very Eeyore mood, "that's just a fancy word for social worker." I might as well have said, "thanks for noticing me." Anyways, she says, "hospice, girl, you all are guardian angels...my mom died in February...just angels, thank you."

It was genuine. Not the "I could never work that job". Not "I don't know how you do it." Just a real, honest, genuine thank you.

My very random co worker grabs me this morning and tells me about a book she is reading. She's tells me this whole part today about being where God has placed you. And you don't have to look for His will because He puts you in it. I walked away breathing a little easier. I hadn't realized breathing was hard.

Another visit with a very tearful wife. She too says "thank you" again and again. For little things, like gloves and diapers and hugs. I can give her this stuff all day.

I had to implement a medication contract with a patient and family today. I had to be real tough. It's not a fun part of my job, although, it can be funny. Our doctor visited the same patient later in the day. She left me a message saying I must have put the fear of God in that family cause they told her everything she needed to know. She said if it made me feel better, they all really missed me last week while I was gone. That did indeed make me feel better.

I made cupcakes with Natalie today. She is really, really, funny.

I had a readmission for an elderly lady that I discharged last year. I was sad to see her name again, but looking forward to reconnecting. I spoke with her daughter on the phone. We talked a lot about her role as a caregiver. Daughter says to me, " I don't know what I'll do when she dies, but I know one thing for sure. When you finish a ministry, God just gives you another one."

He sure does. He sure does. He sure does.

Constant encouragement all day. Yet I still sit here, very melancholy. Very unlike me. I think in my own way, all of this is simply to tell God:

Thanks for noticing me. I know You have some very big things to do today, but I noticed you, noticing me. And I really appreciate it.