The grocery store

I saw her at the grocery store tonight. She was not making eye contact with anyone. She was walking through the isles, head down, only barely looking up to grab the items she needed. She seemed to be on an absolute mission to get in and out without talking to anyone. It's probably why she picked a Sunday afternoon to go there, maybe there is less chance of running into anyone who knows anything.

She is the wife of one my patients that died not long ago. I watched her, wondering if I should approach her. I watched other people hurry by her, her lack of eye contact made her very easy to ignore. I watched person after person fly by her, in and out, all focused on the most mundane task of grocery shopping.

Emily said in church this morning, this Bible study is to help us, "do life together." Her words echoed in my mind as I left the store. Life is so ordinary. Life happens all the time. Life occurs while we run past people who are so hurt. How can one person be in so much pain, surrounded by others, and no one notice? How did they not see her sadness? How was it so missable?

I chose not to speak with her this time. I prayed for her to feel God all around her today, but for reason's I'll never fully explain, I chose not to reveal her wound in the store of strangers, where she could hide. I knew if I spoke to her, she would have to talk again, she did not appear to want that.

And, by the grace of God, she could be me. Her husband, just four years older then mine when he was diagnosed. He died two years later, leaving her with three children. My kids would be nine and six. I chose to leave her alone, because she reminded me of me the day I met her. I know that if it were me in the store today, I would have gone alone to be alone. Something must feel ordinary after such great loss. Maybe Publix could be her ordinary today. She didn't need her hospice social worker to shatter that for her.

Right or wrong to not approach her? I'll never know. I have to believe right, because God would have let me run right into her if not. Right because she needed to be prayed over, even if she never knew the prayer was whispered within her ear shot, just behind her. Right because God reminded me today that we NEVER KNOW.

We never know what those around us are experiencing. Life is so very hard. People are everywhere. I'll bet everyday we are face to face with strangers experiencing unimaginable pain. Try to notice them tomorrow. Try to pick them out, and pray, if you should approach them or not. By all means, don't miss them. They are so sad.

I came home, hugged my husband and went about this evening. How I wish she could have done the same.