Obama and care

So I know that none of you asked, but I'm going to share my thoughts anyway. Why? Because my own thoughts are so very contradictory.

People need insurance. Not lazy people, not moochers, not poor people... Sick people. They need insurance. And healthy people~they need health insurance too.

Those of you who just tuned me out, give me one more chance. Say you get sick. Tomorrow, you hear the dreaded cancer word. Of course you choose treatment. You are healthy otherwise, with a good prognosis. Good choice. The treatment makes you really sick. The cancer does too. Your twelve weeks of family medical leave goes by quickly. Sadly enough, your employer needs someone to do your job, so you lose it. Don't worry though, you can cobra your insurance cost for usually about $1,100-1,500 a month. Yep, a month. So you apply for social security disability. At least this way you can get Medicare. Oh sorry, you didn't know that you aren't eligible for Medicare for TWO YEARS after you get disability? Hmmm. Now your savings is running out. How long can you really pay $ 1,100 plus a month for insurance? Your income on disability, although it is just 60% of what you used to make, is too great for you to qualify for charity care and in most states too great for Medicaid. So you decide to talk to your doctor about options. If he agrees to see you without coverage, you will hear there are no other options, without insurance. Eventually, you will meet me, your hospice social worker. Your prognosis was much better when you had insurance. People are screaming about "death panels" when I literally watch people die because they got too sick for insurance.

Ok, now there is my current situation. Neither Chris or I have coverage through our employers. So we have a private insurance through blue cross blue shield. We pay almost $500 a month for a really high deductible. But, we are managing. I've been keeping tabs on the marketplace, somewhat hopeful that we too would have lower deductibles and premiums. Not going to happen. As I've searched the marketplace, it appears (I say appears because we have all seen the glitches) that we are going to pay between two and three hundred MORE a month for insurance. What's even better, is the news is reporting that the website is grossly underestimating costs in many cases. And, if I'm reading it right, my kids will be forced onto Florida healthy kids program, basically a program for kids whose parents make too much to qualify for Medicaid. All fine, except that when I priced healthy kids for us last year it cost more than insuring my kids through blue cross with us. I really don't like the idea that I do not have a choice in who covers my babies; or a choice in the type of coverage I want.

Paradox. That first story I shared is not just a story. I've seen it played out numerous times. I have faces and names that run through my head as I type it. I know it could be my own family if we lost our ability to pay for coverge. I want people whose only fault is that they are sick, to afford treatment. I also want choices for them and for me.

Is Obamacare going to solve some of these problems? No. Especially as states refuse additional Medicaid funding. It will create an even wider gap as the marketplace will kick people out siting they are Medicaid eligible and the Medicaid office will say no because they should go through the marketplace as Medicaid wasn't expanded.

Not even close...maybe won't even help many at all. And may even hurt me personally, a lot.

But every time I hear someone say "people just need to work for insurance", I cringe. All of us are one diagnosis away from loss of coverage. The system is so very broken. I don't like this "fix" because it isn't one; there surely must be one though...

Micah's fourth birthday!

Dear Micah,

Wow! What a birthday! We had an angry bird party with so many of your friends and some family too. It's been a really fun.

Now we are driving home from the circus and Daddy and I are talking about this letter and everything that makes you Micah man. You have learned to read this year. We still aren't sure exactly how, but we know it had a lot to do with watching your sister complete homework. You also love an app called starfall. You can read almost any three or four letter word. Mommy will never forget the day I realized you could read. We were stopped at some railroad tracks. Very slowly you said "do not stop on tracks" I asked how you knew that; you told me that's what the sign said. At home I quizzed you some more and we were amazed.

You continue to be musical and love a variety of songs. You request Sesame Street pandora radio often as well as veggie tales songs. You watch our drummer at church so closely, as if you are going to step up and play with him any minute. Right now your favorite shows are Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Daniel the tigers neighborhood, Team umuzoomi, Dinosaur train, Tom and Jerry and Andy Griffith. Daddy is really happy that you like to watch Andy. You also love to play Temple run 2 on our phones. One of your favorite things to do is drive your fire truck around the house and, in a very deep voice, ask, "Is there a fire in your house mam?" Every night before bed you ask for "a fresh cup of water" and make us turn on your turtle, your night light, and your moon.

You have begged to play teeball for over a year now. Now that you are four you will get to play. You are really excited about that. You played soccer last season for the first time. You did well and always wanted to help out everyone. Occasionally, you would even share the ball with others. This drove your sister crazy.

Speaking of Natalie, you are such a little brother. You pick on her and want to play with her all the time. If she won't let you speak we hear "naTalie (you still emphasize the TA) stop interrupting me!" She's having to adjust to you getting bigger too. You want to play with her friends alot. During her sleepover this year, her friends were all pretending to be princesses. When they asked you to be the prince, you quickly said no. Then you declared, "I will be your knight to protect you". All of them liked that idea and you spent the evening as a knight.

We love to hear you pray. You pray for so many who are sick. Sometimes you are as sweet as you can be and other times you just pray anything abruptly. Of course there was the night in front of the entire summer ministries team you told God that you forgave Him for vacation Bible school ending. Oh my what a prayer.

You are truly so sweet and kind. You can still be a little shy, but within a few minutes you can be loud. You do seem to notice kids who need help and it makes me proud to watch you reach out to them. Steven and Heidi remain your best friends ever. It's always fun to watch you all play and imagine. You all started VPK in the same class this fall. After one week, you think it's been really fun.

Quite simply, we are grateful for you. You bring laughter to our family and light to any place you are. Our prayer for you is you continue to love God and love others. To continue to recognize those who God has placed in your path to love. And to grow to be exactly the Godly man you are created to be. We are blessed by your life.

Keep singing, drumming, foot stomping, reading, playing, loving, and believing sweet boy.

We love you forever, for always, no matter what.
Daddy and Mommy

Natalie is seven!

Dear Natalie,

How sweet, sweet, girl is this possible? Seven sounds so...grown. So second gradeish. You match this well; as this year, you look and act so much older.

You have lost six teeth since your birthday last year. In a Natalie fashion, you did this a little different then most. Your adult teeth started coming in before your bottom teeth were loose. The dentist had to pull your four bottom teeth. You were a champ and didn't even flinch until he pulled the last tooth. I was planning to let you stay home from school that day, but you insisted on going to show off what was missing. The tooth fairy brought you gold sprinkled money that night, it was so fun. You got to meet the tooth fairy at your school and you were most impressed that she knew Mommy's name. You decided then and there that she was real afterall.

You had a wonderful first grade teacher, Ms. Ehlinger. You LOVED her and loved everything about her class. We loved her a bunch too. She challenged you and loved you. You also started the gifted program. This was a much more difficult transition for all of us. You cried a lot those beginning days. There is much yet to be sorted out with this program. Overall, you adjusted well. You did officially "skip" gifted one day, which was impressive to us. You were on the bus to take you from your school to the gifted school when one of your friends told you that your class was doing a cool art project. You promptly got yourself off that bus and went back to your regular class. Thank goodness Ms. Ehlinger knows you well.

Which leads me to, you are so creative, artistic, and musical. You can draw better then Mommy can. You have started piano lessons with Aunt Pam and have greatly enjoyed them too. You love to sing and are getting better all of the time. You sang "Mary Did You Know?" in front of the whole church at Christmas. You beg to listen to "your radio station" which is Disney Pandora. You also started gymnastics this year. We were willing to do this because this isn't something you are naturally great at doing. You are blessed that a lot of things come easily to you. As a result we were noticing you were not very persistent. If something was a little difficult, you were giving up easier then we were comfortable with. Gymnastics was challenging. And you pleasantly surprised us. You practiced your cartwheels all day, whenever you could, wherever you could. ALL of the time. With more work then we have seen you do, you are good at that too. It makes us so very proud to see you develop more persistence.

You and Micah continue to love each other and get on each other's nerves. He is old enough now to have an opinion and this has been hard for you. At least once a day he declares, "Natalie, quit interrupting me!" You really are a good big sister to him and protect him, at least when you feel like he needs it.

You have many loves. Your favorite restaurant is Moes. You love to "mix drinks". You have changed this year from chocolate milk every morning to vanilla milk. You love the shows Arthur, The Magic School Bus, Angelina Ballerina, Spiderman and his amazing friends and any Disney Princess Movie. You have started reading chapter books and really like the Just Grace, Ivy and Bean, and Mercy Watson series. You love the beach and love to swim. You absolutely still love soccer and love being so very competitive.

You are planning your first sleep over for your birthday this year. You and your friends could not be more excited. Several girls from our church are coming over. You've been busy making crowns and all sorts of things for them. You want a Princess theme party and of course, daddy has big plans for your cake.

This year has been hard for Dad and Mom because we have walked through some difficult conversations with you. You heard about the school shooting in Connecticut that killed 21 first graders, little kids, your age. As we discussed this, we talked about the "good guys" and the teachers who tried to and did protect their class. Then a child brought a gun to your school. We talked again. You told us how you would respond to a gun and how you try to avoid being shot. You were so matter of fact with this conversation. It was hard for us. These are things we really didn't think about when we were little. We often struggle with empowering you with information you need, but not scaring you with details that you should not know.

In those hard conversations, we have talked with you more about God. About why He "lets" bad things happen. We've talked about "good guys", "bad guys", and the fact that God loves "all guys". You've wrestled with questions around grace and mercy. You asked me "if God would allow the devil into heaven if the devil apologized". We have talked. We have prayed. You declared to us the other day that you want a princess party because each of your friends and you are "God's Princesses". You tilted your head just so when you said it, with a big sparkle in your bright blue eyes. We had to agree with you. Indeed you are a Child of the King, which makes you a Princess.

Our prayer for you is to continue to know God more. To continue to wrestle over His grace, mercy, and love. To always seek your answers from Him and His word. We pray you continue to love others, to demand justice, and to refuse to be satisfied with simple answers that ignore questions. We pray for you to have good friends and to be a good friend. Most of all we pray for you to know God's love and salvation.

You sing this song around our house all of the time...
Dear Princess Natalie, may you forever apply the words to your life:

"Lord, the sky's still blue
For my hope is in you
You're my joy
You're the dream that's still alive
Like the wind at my back
And the sun on my face
You are life
You're grace
You are blue skies
You're my blue skies
When nights are long
Seems the dark has no end
Still we walk on in light of the truth
For waiting beyond
Where the morning begins
Is the dawn, and you're mercy anew
Oh, to believe we're alive in you're love
There is so much to see
If we keep looking up"

Keep dreaming, singing, dancing, flipping, drawing, writing, reading, loving, and believing. Look up baby girl. You are blessed.

We love you, forever, for always, no matter what.

Daddy & Mommy

Swing set.

I wonder what that three year old mind is pondering while going back and forth...over and over and over? "More" and "higher", but other then those words he is quiet.

Maybe he is thinking about that slimy fish he caught this morning. Or riding the train. Or playing putt putt. Or the campfire. Maybe he's dreaming of the promised s'mores that await him tonight, or adventures only he can imagine.

"There's that old feather hat" he declared yesterday while playing Jake and the Neverland pirates. We listened for tick tock crock and found pixie dust.

Back and forth, back and forth...I'm confident he does not realize how blessed he is to have his parents and both sets of grandparents on this trip. I don't think he realizes how rare of a treasure this is. Is it possible that he can enjoy this campground simply because it is not routine? Or can he know that he is living better tent camping then so many other children in the world? Has he considered God today?

Back and forth, back and forth..."are you ready to stop?" I ask. "No" he says simply.
Over and over...

Then as I am equally deep in thought wondering what his mind could be contemplating for such a long time, he breaks the silence, "Mom do you want to play something different from I spy? Do you want to play what are you thinking about?"

Seriously? This boy..."Sure" I say.

So we played.. He described his thought and I had to guess.... First it was the turtles, then putt putt, then yogi bear.

We played for a long time. This three year old Micah and me. On the swing over and over. Grateful that today he shared those thoughts. Grateful for the time with him. Prayerful for both openess and time with him in the future. Blessed simply because it's him and it's me. And today, for just a while longer he is three and I got to view the world as he sees it.

Back and forth, over and over.

When Heroes Fall

It's a strange part of being an adult. The earth shattering moment when it is realized that people aren't who they appeared to be. Or worse, they were exactly who they appeared to be, and somehow, in a terrible moment of weakness, shattered their lives.

The moment when you realize superman is vulnerable to kryptonite. When Santa isn't real afterall. When good people die, while drunk drivers walk away. When spouses walk away. When doctors take drugs. When teachers hurt kids. When ministry leaders fail.

It's that moment. When the pedastool they were standing on hits you square in the stomach and you can't, for the life of you, catch your breath. There they are, laying face down in the floor, amoung a pile of shannigans they may or may not have created.

Half of you rationalizes this scene. "Surely not". "No way". There has to be a reason. They aren't capable of such acts. But, you look again, and sure enough, they are still on the floor. This half of you wants to help them back on their feet. Fully acknowledging the pedastool is gone, but you feel they at least deserve to stand up again.

Then the other half backs up. You realize you haven't caught your breath from the hit. This half drips with anger and accusations. Hind sight memories and wanderings of "how long?" and "Am I a fool"? This half wants to kick the stool back at them and make that pile higher. The audacity of it all makes the room dark.

Then, enters the Savior. Just his presence alone shines light in the dark. He too is focused on two beings, but unlike us, his attention is not divided. He can love us both just exactly where we are. The fallen need him. They need his mercy. They need the moment when they are face to face with the only one who could ever help them anyway.

And you, you need to remember there is only one Hero. Everyone else will fall, every time. No one else can be Him. Or guide you. Or love you. Or protect you. Just Him.

Suddenly in the light it becomes so much more clear. Two very broken people, who desperately need a Savior.

And in that moment, the face to face moment with Jesus, you take survey of your surroundings. Your character in each story changes, but indeed you have been hurt and you have done the hurting.

You grab your real Hero's hand, thanking Him that He never has, nor will He ever fall...and you look so forward to the day, when you won't ever fall again either.

Wrapped in His Grace.

Magnet

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