My new favorite pictures...

I'll be busy the next few days so here are a few favorite pictures to share until later. Have a great week!

Natalie on her way to Avery's first birthday party.


Natalie and the birthday girl, Avery.


Yeah for parties!


Yes, this is a real first time ever, pony tail. Daddy loved it!

Yeah!!!

Welcome Baby Faith Elizabeth!!! 8 lbs 10 oz and a long labor for Mommy! We love you so much already and can't wait to meet you!!! It was nice of you to be born on Papaw Orville's birthday. Natalie thanked God for a new friend in the world today. We love you Nate and Leah! See you soon!

Swirling thoughts

I'll be working for the next couple of days so if I don't blog tonight, it will be a little bit. There is a lot going on in the Hall house, as usual. Chris and I had a very busy month in April because we were going to foster parenting classes two nights a week. We graduated last week and are still trying to recover from the busyness. Our house is slowly coming back together. We were planning to be a part of the foster to adopt program. It's no secret that both of us really want to adopt a child. Through this program, we would be foster parents, for whatever age we choose. We were thinking infant to five.If a parent's rights are terminated (in Florida and most states this happens within one year) then the foster parents have the option to adopt that child. I really want to do this. We may have lots of kids come through our doors that we don't adopt, but we would love to be the first place that they learn about unconditional love and safety. While my heart is still in this, we decided that we need to wait a while. We need to let Natalie get a bit older. This is tough because I had very much gotten in my head that our second child would be one we adopted from the foster care system. So now we are in limbo about if and when to have a second child, if we can afford the additional maternity insurance, if, if, if. The foster classes certify us for five years so we have some time to make decisions. There is just a lot to think about. Then to throw something else in the mix, I saw an ad for a part time social work job at a dialysis clinic. From the looks of it, this would provide health insurance (which if it is through a job would include maternity), so I applied. I absolutely love my job at hospice and would be very sad to leave, but more stability and benefits are calling. And I could very well love this job too. I heard from the company the day after I applied and I have interview on Friday. I'm telling you all this to ask you to pray. I don't want to leave a job I love only for money. I need to know this is the next step God has for us. I'll know more Friday, but please pray for us between now and then. So there you have it. Some little portions of all that is spinning in my brain right now. Natalie just climbed on my lap making it more difficult to type, so I'll close with a few recent pics. Thanks to Marcia for the idea of the one in the mirror. Have a great week!

Congrats

Aunt Sarah,

We are all so proud of you!!! Yahoo for graduation day! Wish we could celebrate with you, but know we are having a party here too! We love you!

Chris, Allison, and Natalie

The following message is from Natalie:

A glance at our weekend

We had a very fun weekend. Chris' Grandmama and Cousins, visited us. Lindsey brought her four year old daughter, Carson. Natalie and Carson had so much fun together. Lindsey and I decided we really should get together more often. They are on there way to Disney for the week. Natalie got to sleep with me Saturday night because of all the company. At three in the morning I hear, "Mommy, let's talk." I tried to explain that it was still night night. "Mommy, where Carson go?" I told her she was night night. I closed my eyes and Natalie said, "mommy,....Boo!" Please, it is night night. She laid there and talked to herself. I would drift back to sleep and suddenly feel my eyes being pulled open by toddler hands and hear, "mommy, awake!" This went on until 5 am when she finally fell back to sleep with her head on my left hip. So I was afraid to move the beast for fear of waking her. It was a long night that ended with me, the good pastor's wife falling asleep holding my grape juice during communion. I was startled awake by one of our Elder's in the back of the sanctuary when he started talking. But, like a good pastor's wife, I fell asleep and jerked awake, but did not spill one drop out of my cup. :-0 That my friends, is experience.
Here are a couple of pics from the weekend.

Mood swings

A few weeks ago Natalie and I were in the car. From the backseat I hear,
"mommy, aylor"
I said, "what?"
"aylor, Mommy, aylor."
"Natalie, Mommy doesn't understand."
Now I've pulled to a red light so I turn to look at her. She starts moving her head and hands like she is dancing and says again, "aylor."
I'm thinking, finally I said, "Taylor?"
"yeah."
Okay, surely my 22 month old did not just ask to hear the Taylor CD. She is too young to be requesting songs. I put in the CD. Natalie starting clapping when she heard Taylor. Our car rides haven't been the same since.
So, I will bless you with some of her singing, but also on this tape, you will see Natalie's vast mood swings. One minute she's singing, the next she is on the brink of time out. She's dancing with Daddy, then crying. Welcome to our world.

This day

I hear all the time that people do not understand how I work for Hospice. For the most part, I am able to easily compartmentalize my job from the rest of my life. It's not usually something that's even difficult for me. My mom can attest to this, she has accused me of being made of stone all of my life. While I prefer not to believe such an accusation, I don't tend to get emotional very often. Today was a good day. Chris and I were both off work. Natalie spent the night with Robert and Joene so we slept late this morning. We went to Denny's for breakfast (my favorite, don't know why, it just is), then we picked up Natalie and took advantage of living in Florida. We went to the beach. Natalie was not sure about the water at first. It didn't take her long though and she was telling us to sit on the blanket because she would be back. Much to her dismay, we didn't let her venture into the ocean alone. At one point Natalie was literally running circles around Chris. Then she took his hand and escorted him to the water's edge. She asked him to sit beside her. I could hear her giggle as the water rolled in and out under her. She was talking with Chris and looking around. They were both laughing. I then realized why people like the ocean. It takes away all the bad stuff. It doesn't matter what you do to the sand, the waves come in and put it back. Natalie and Chris made a huge hole today. They put some sand back in the hole and after a few waves it was filled back in, as if nothing had happened. I thought about the girl, younger then me, sitting in my office crying so hard this week. Her mom is dying. Her fiance was killed last month. She has more on her plate then I can fathom. I thought about the man whose ex refuses to allow him to die in peace. She thinks he is lying about being sick or is somehow doing this to get back at her. She is one of those Truman show people who believe the world starts and stops revolving as she enters the room. I can assure her, it does not. I thought about the very young man in a care facility with a rare form of dementia. And his wife, a recent breast cancer survivor who just needed to talk this week. She'd give anything I bet for the ocean to wash her husband's dementia away. "Mommy, come here." I can hear the ocean again. There's my little girl yelling for me to come and sit with Daddy and her. I get up and dust myself off appreciating the moment for what it is. A rare and precious time that will go far too quickly. I know I'll blink and she'll be going to the beach with her friends. I know I'm not guaranteed any amount of time with either of them. This job does not make me dwell on death. No. It does the opposite. It makes me appreciate life. I treasure more giggles, take in more hugs, let the dishes pile higher, then I would if I worked anywhere else. We go the beach just to go. We get sandy because it's funny. We run in circles and dig holes just because we can. I sneak in at nap time and watch her sleep, just to thank God for her. I pray for at least 86 sets of parents. Why 86? Because at my last check, that's how many children were in pediatric care program in hospice. This job makes me appreciate life for the gift it is. God has given us this day. Natalie is in bed, and my only April 25th with her as a one year old is done. I'm really glad we spent it together sitting next to Daddy letting the water wash all around us. It was a very good day.

You must pay, you must pay not, you must pay, you must pay not...

Our tax journey started mid March at H&R block. It is continuing today with an extension. Our plea for more time. Originally it looked like we were getting a refund. Then the nice lady at H&R admitted she didn't know what she was doing. This clergy tax self employed thing was too much for her to handle. But, she was going to talk with Lisa. Lisa reworked our numbers and suddenly we owed a lot of money to the government and to H & R block. We said no, well, we said no to H & R block. We picked up our info a week and half later and cried to Monica. Monica is my hero, she is chair of our church finance committee and refuses to be intimidated by the IRS. She and Chris have worked on these taxes. With all of deductions, both from being self employed, and standard, we have a low taxable income. This sounds good, but it is not. There is a self employment tax we must pay and last year, we didn't pay enough. So even though it looks like we are dirt poor, (in reality, just regular lower middle class with a lot of deductions) we still have to pay Uncle George. Why the extension? Well, Monica is working hard for us. Maybe George will pay us back in the long run. If not, we'll just use our stimulus check to reimburse our taxes. Too bad ours won't be used to stimulate the economy, it will just refund our savings. This being an adult thing, it's not all that great. I convinced myself when I was kid that Uncle George would be nice to me. He is not. Now, I'm even more afraid of Uncle Democrat. He may make me pay even more. And that is simply just not right. Uncle Republican scares me too because I'm pretty sure if the rich paid more taxes, I wouldn't have to pay. I'm also pretty sure that as long as they are rich, the Republicans will be their puppets. What to do? What to do? Give to Uncle George what is Uncle George's, give to God what is God's, and toast Chris with our glass of water while we eat Spaghettio's. Interestingly enough, a bowl of them is a bowl full of zero's.

Family pics

Well, Natalie is on the way to recovery. We thought she was doing better on Wednesday, but alas, Thursday came with a high fever and another trip to the Dr. Her croup was better, but she had an ear infection. (again) Antibiotics are our friends because 24 hours later we had a much happier Natalie. We were so thankful because we had family pictures for our church directory on Friday and a wedding Friday night. She sailed through both like she hadn't been sick. We purchased the CD of our pics so we could have the copyright, here are a few to share with you. Probably more then you really want to see.



It never ceases to amaze me how Natalie can go from this:


to this in two seconds or less.

A great weekend

I cannot tell you how busy we've been lately. I ate supper at home last night with my family for the first time in three weeks. Yeah, that's ridiculous. Anyways, I had a great weekend. We had Sabrina's bachelorette party and went to Savannah to celebrate her last weekend as a Mathew's. It was so good to be with the girls. I love being a pastor's wife. I wouldn't change it for the world. But this weekend, I got to shed that title and just be friends with my church girls. It felt good. As with any good bachelorette party, I am sworn to secrecy. I searched through my pictures and found a few pictures that I can share with the world (or at least my few blog readers). The first is of Emily playing some air guitar Friday night. Then of Nicole and me eating some cake on the way to Savannah. And last, is our ceremony for Sabrina before we went to dinner. All of us were wearing black pants and hot pink shirts, she had on a white shirt and, of course, her veil and banner. It was fun.




Unfortunately, I got home to a very sick little girl Sunday night. Chris called me on Saturday and told me she had a fever of 102+. She didn't have any other symptoms. He called the Dr. and they told him to give her Tylenol and call on Sunday morning and let them know how she is. By Sunday morning, she had a fever, plus she was hoarse and had a serious cough. So, my excellent husband arranged for an appointment, went to church, preached a sermon at the beginning of service and left to take her to the Dr. He called me Sunday afternoon and said, "croup." They gave her a shot of steroids and sent her home with some oral doses. She won't eat much. Yesterday was pretty rough. She has kept a fever and is just, well, sick. When her medicine kicks in we get glimpses of Natalie, but they are short lived and she is back to sick. Hopefully in a few days she'll be better. My husband is awesome, he took amazing care of her.

This is my baby with croup:



This is the evidence that my baby's on drugs:



I saw a sign up for a free dog the other day, friendly wants a nice home. I'm pretty sure Mocha made that and is advertising herself. :-)

no time

I'm very, very, very tired. I will blog again soon...when I have my next free evening, let me see, that will be on Monday. Have a great weekend!

Now

Natalie: "Now how exactly do you spell dog groomer?"

"Ah, yes there it is."

Mocha: "Now, how do you spell summer camp?"

Easter Egg Hunt

We had so much fun hunting Easter Eggs yesterday at the church. Natalie was really into it. We've carried her basket full of plastic eggs around since then and had several more hunts. Here are a few pictures from the hunt.





These next few pictures of are Natalie, Avery, and Emma. Emma is in the middle and Avery is on the right. I couldn't decide which picture to use, so here are several of them. I've been saying these girls are Natalie's future BFF's, but the way she lights up when she sees both of them I think it is safe to say they are already her BFF's. Parker is the boy we believe they will all fight over in youth group some day. He was not too thrilled to be in the picture. The group shot is the girls with their parents, we had to get in at least one. :-) The last picture is after the hunt is over, Natalie had to count her treasure while holding her basket in her lap for the ride home. Good times!








PS. Thanks Sabrina for some of your pictures, you have some great ones.

Imagine

She is surrounded by feces. She has cleaned it to the best of her ability, but she knows it will happen again. Her mom is dying of AIDS and she is caring for her. She is hungry. The only clothes she owns are the ones she is wearing. She is not currently receiving an education. She has tears just underneath the surface of her eyelids. When her mom sees them, she tells her to stop. Her mother considers her grown at the age of 16. You guess, Africa? Nope, this isn't another link to any other site or organization. I just wanted to share with you my hospice job today, here, in America.

Confessions Of A CF Husband

Confessions Of A CF Husband: White Rose Blooming (2 Months)#links

Here is a video update for those who want to see, or who have asked about baby Gwyneth. You can check out Nate's blog, it's linked to mine on the right side.

My wish list for Tricia

I'm always up for a challenge. The CF blog that I told you about last week had a great idea. One of the comment's was from a mom and she challenged all mom's to make a list of things they cannot wait for Tricia to experience. At different points of everyday since hearing their story I have thought about this for Tricia. She has forced me to rethink my parenting, because I know she would give anything to have some of these experiences right now. So Tricia, this is my wish list for you:

1. Reading bedtimes stories snuggled next to Gwyneth.

2. Hearing her clap, dance, and say yea!!! for daddy when he gets through singing at church on Sunday morning.

3. Watching Gwyneth torment your poor pug, but watching the same dog protect her from the world whenever possible.

4. Having her run to you when daddy tells her no, just to see if you'll agree with him.

5. Watching daddy melt long before you do because she bats her eyes and says, "daddy peeaas..."

6. Getting thrown up on and peed on all on the same day.

7. Not remembering what you used to carry in your bag/purse before it was full of cheerios, toys, stickers, crayons, dog biscuits, and the tv remote you have been looking for the last few days.

8. Hearing "mama" for the first time.

9. Watching Gwyneth care for her baby doll, you get a glimpse into how she thinks you care for her.

10. Feeling tiny fingers curled around yours as you pray together.

11. Dancing all the time, to made up songs that you will only sing for her, and maybe Nate. :-)

12. Putting your head on the pillow, knowing that when you close your eyes, she will cry...finally you give up, get comfy and close them, sure enough, she cries.

13. Endless trips to the potty for nothing.

14. Snuggle time at the end of the day.

15. The first time she tries to hit an old lady at church for getting way too close to her face, way too many times.

16. Reminding yourself everyday that she is God's child just like you are. He knows what is best for her. He does not have any grandchildren.

We are praying for you!!!

A photo update

Natalie is doing so many new things these days that it's hard to keep up with her. She is talking more and more each day. She sings the "clean up" song, patty cake (usually with her feet), and any other song we teach her that day. She definitely has an opinion about most anything and is not afraid to share that with us. I have no idea where her stubbornness comes from. :-) One of her new things is that she has graduated to a big girl bed. She has been out of her crib for a while. She just wouldn't rest comfortably in it. So we moved her to a toddler bed that she kept falling out of because we couldn't put rails on it. Poor girl slept on a mattress in the floor. Finally she stayed in it more nights then not, so we got her a twin. We can put a rail on it and life has been much quieter at night. It's nice for me because she looks small again in such a big bed. She loves it. Here are a few pics of her...



Natalie also LOVES to read. She reads by herself, she reads to us, she lets us read to her, she just loves it. Chris managed to capture this picture today before she saw the camera...it's a good picture of her love...

And the famous "cheeeeese" after she saw the camera...

Of course, the endless pursuit of Lexi and Mocha continues. Natalie firmly believes they should participate in her activities. If she eats, they do. She tells them when to go "night night" and when to wake up. They tolerate blankets on their heads, sunglasses over their eyes and being fed one morsel of food at a time when she decides to "help" them eat. They even get the pleasure of speaking on my phone when she lets them.



Amidst all the torture, as I type, Mocha is laying outside of Natalie's bedroom guarding her from the world. That, my friends is true love.
And, last, but not least, Natalie got her first tattoo a few weeks ago. I think it rather suits her personality. Don't you???

A NC miracle...

She weighs in at 1 lb 10 oz and growing. Her mom, Tricia, is on a vent waiting for a lung transplant. You see, Tricia has CF and this transplant will save her life. Baby Gwyneth is their miracle. Her dad has this faith that never ceases to amaze me. He started blogging long before she was born; but the blog has turned into a daily chapter of their lives. Megan showed me the blog and I have been captivated by their story since then. Look when you have a chance. All I ask is that if you look, you pray. This is their life. I find myself thinking and praying for them throughout the day. I've never met them, and, I probably never will on this side of eternity. Nevertheless, their family has stolen my heart. Maybe it's because it is a story of love. Maybe because it's a story of openness and authenticity. Maybe it's because I'm a new mom and I just desperately wish that Tricia could hold Gwyneth. Or, maybe it's because, in Christ, they are a part of my family, and you always, always, love and support your family. I am praying for you all Nate!!!

Here's the blog address:
http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/

Here is a link to a video of Gwyneth after she was born:
http://cfhusband.blogspot.com/2008/02/safe-and-sound.html#links

God

Okay so both sides say the following,

"Well, I'm sure God is not a Democrat."

"I'm sure God is not a Republican."

The next sentence is usually, but He probably would vote (fill in party of choice here).

Here's a radical news flash.

God would not vote.

God is not an American.

But, for the record, according to scripture, God is in Independent.

Jesus and Chris

Chris wore a suit to church yesterday.

Those of you who know him needed that space to collect your thoughts, pick your jaw up off the floor, and ponder if Jax has changed him after all.

Well, yes, he has changed, but only in a moving forward, God is good sort of way. He looked great in his suit. Then he discussed how some of us feel really hurt inside. Underneath. That's when he started stripping on stage. He showed everyone his hurt. There were many gasps and laughs as he took off his jacket...



After he talked about the hurt, he stripped again. Under the torn clothes, was a t-shirt. Chris explained how Jesus still walks with us when we are torn up inside. He walks with us when we are good inside too. It was a good message. His t-shirt said,
I love Jesus.

The rest of the day he wore his suit pants with that t-shirt.

Maybe Jacksonville hasn't changed him much after all.

PS. thanks Joanne for the picture and wonderful e-mail!

New Video

The following video was cut short because the tape ran out...even with this, I simply must share it with you. Please pray for our dogs...

IT

All humans operate this way. If I keep this thought inside my head, if I keep IT (the thought) tucked far away from my mouth, then I can keep IT from being real. But, if I let IT slip, if I say what I am thinking out loud, IT may happen. I'm not sure I can handle that. Speaking IT always comes with packed emotions.

Today IT was many things. I said to him, "you have taken amazing care of your wife. You've done a beautiful job. But your own health is declining, what do you see as your options for her now?" Big, robust, man with tears finding their route through his laugh lines, said to me, "I know, she may have to go a nursing home, I may have to go to an assisted living." He cried. He told me about how they met, their honeymoon, their children, their life. He loved her so much, he said, "and taking care of her these last seven years has been my priveledge". She painted everything in their home. He admitted he felt like he would no longer have a purpose if he wasn't caring for her. My job today was to remind him that she still needed him, even if she was not in his house anymore. He eventually agreed that her face still lights up when he walks into the room. A few minutes later I introduced myself to her. No response. He came in behind me. She gave him the most beautiful smile in the world. She still knows him. Even if it's buried somewhere deep down, she knows that he is her love.

IT was also in another home. A great family to support her, but she admits, when it is just she and I, that this dying is weird. I told her that I have wondered what it must feel like to know. "You wonder", she said, "I'll tell you, it's like holding onto the edge of the cliff with just your fingernails. You don't know whether to give up and let go, or fight with all your might to climb." "It's weird." I told her that was a good description. I have a better picture in my mind. She then said,
"but I've had a great life, I've done everything I wanted, so I guess it's time."

My personal IT for the day? Could I say that out loud? I've done everything I wanted to do. How do you live a life that you can look back on and say you've done everything you wanted to? How can you be open enough to let a stranger in your home and confess you feel like your hanging off a cliff? How do you get to be that real?

That's my IT for the day. If I don't admit that I'm not always authentic then I can convince myself that I am authentic.

I'm not always authentic.

Does typing IT count?

wow

It's hard to believe it's been this long since I've blogged. Life has just been that crazy the last two weeks. I am so tired that I'm forcing my eyes to stay open, rather then closing them while I type. And...it's only 7 pm. I'm getting old. But, I'm fighting sleepiness because when Natalie goes to sleep tonight, Chris and I are playing our new Nintendo Wii. Our search finally ended yesterday at a K-Mart in Neptune Beach. We found the WII that we've looked all over Jacksonville for since Christmas. We immediately brought our treasure home and have wanted to play it all day today. Hopefully we can soon.

In other news, a group of women from our church and me took a group of girls to Revolve last weekend. We had so much fun. Revolve is sponsored by Women of Faith, but is designed for teen girls. To be honest, I think I liked it more then Women of Faith. We have endless stories, but my personal favorite is when we were leaving the arena Friday night. All of us where laughing and talking and giggling like us girls do when it's late and we're tired. We were walking down the street to the parking garage when Liza freezes. By the look on her face, I was pretty sure some guy was in front of her with a gun. The deep panic in my stomach sunk in as I looked up. She was staring at our bank of amercia parking garage...the doors to the garage were shut. The following thoughts went through my head in the next five seconds...Okay, okay, okay, why would they tell us to park there on the info if it closes??? Okay, okay, okay, how much will it cost to get all of us back to the hotel in taxis? Okay, Sabrina works for bank of america in Jax, maybe she can call someone...okay, okay, okay, Liza is walking by herself, I need to catch her.
The other adults stayed with the girls, I caught up with Liza. A man told her we just had to go through the lobby. We did and were able to get to our cars no problem. Now for the guns. The nice police officer gave us the directions and told us to keep our doors locked and windows up. As the car in front of us stopped at the red light in the ghetto, my car full of girls started screaming. There were several guys on the corner gathered together. There were several guys on the other corner gathered together. There was the nice looking prostitute on the street. My girls freaked. The guys started walking towards our car. The decibal level increased. Nicole, our awesome driver began screaming, "do not make eye contact...do not make eye contact...turn green light, no eye contact." I called the car in front of us, I heard their driver, Liza saying, "girls do not make eye contact." Emily and I hearing each other's vehicles through the phone did what any chaperone would do in such a dangerous situation...I laughed until I cried. I knew the guys were not going to touch a vehicle full of screaming girls. We were close enough that I'm sure they were laughing at us too. The light turned green and we drove to the other side of town to our safe hotel. My girls all accused me of being brave...I didn't confess to them that I tend to laugh when I get nervous or scared. We'll just let them think brave, until they read this that is. All in all it was a great weekend. One of the main speakers, Chad Eastman, did an amazing job explaining to the girls about identity. He posed one question to them and it has been a springboard for a lot of discussion this week. I'll leave you with the question,

"Girls, if you are at a party and a guy walks into the room, would he see you as a treasure or a target?"

Some pics of the weekend