How do we get there from here?

I want community. I want to be challenged. I want to love deeply and genuinely care for others. I want to be a part of a group of people who walk together. I'm tired of church. I'm tired of games. I don't want to walk around the same corners as everyone before me and pass "go" all over again. I want LIFE and I want it abundantly. This past Sunday as I saw people gather around a nine year old who had just lost her father, I thought, "this is the body, this is what Jesus was talking about." How do we keep walking with her? How about the girl on the street, in Wal-mart, at the mall, the one in the pew in front of me? Does she yearn for community too? Is there something she wants to share. I believe small group studies go on for hours for a million reasons. One is that we just want to share our stories. In a world of so many ways to communicate, we have lost our ability to connect. I think many of us are realizing that. We want sit, eat, drink coffee, and just talk. It's not new. 50 years ago the women called it quiliting. I don't think that sat together in a room and said nothing. They played games in the yard and neighbors actually knew each other names. No, our generation doesn't want anything real radical. We just want to recapture what was lost in Gen X's pursuit of independence. We recognize it is okay to be dependent on each other. To be dependent on God. We are comfortable with saying "I don't know." We agree to pray and usually, we mean it. And, we will not accept or tolerate fake. We'll see right through you. We have been for years. Maybe the church is scared of postmoderns because of this. We were cute for a long time. Now, we are "young adults." The church overall seems to have a difficult time attracting us. I wonder when they'll realize that if you try to attract us, you will repel us. Wooing us to a building is fake. Wooing us to a relationship is real. It's never about programs, curriculum, service times, or basketball. It's about relationships. It always has been. We aren't radical. We are just reminding everyone that Jesus is a who. Who wants to meet him with us?

Smart baby

Hey, I've never posted a video here before, but we'll see if this works. We taught Natalie to count to three today...we think she's pretty smart. Have a great week!

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I love Uncle DJ and Aunt Sarah

Dear Uncle DJ and Aunt Sarah,
I want you to know I was almost stripped at church on Sunday for wearing this outfit. Many Gator people mistook it for a Georgia Bulldogs outfit. Once they saw the Reds they spared me. I left with my dress still on and I did look super cute. Daddy says he only let me wear it because Mr. Ryan was in town too. Mommy said I could wear it when I wanted. I love you both!
Natalie (the best niece in the world)

I'm a walking oxymoron...

An excerpt from my prayer journal. A rare glimpse into the crazy, swirling, thoughts inside my head.

8-13-07

"Dear Father,

Let's get real. Well, you're always real~I'm great at pretend. I'm a walking oxymoron. I've always wanted to work in a hospice. I love the city. I can do anything. All I want is to stay home with Natalie. I have to get out of the house. I trust you to provide money. I must get out and make some money. I hate the city. I miss Iowa. I hate the state of Iowa. I miss all the people in Iowa. Except her. I should love her and forgive her, but I haven't and I don't. I miss all my friends in WV. I only have a few friends. I want more friends. I don't want to spend the time it takes to build real relationships. I want to be authentic. I like my big, tall, walls. Seriously, what is wrong with me? I am so wishy-washy all of the time. I need you Lord. You are the only constant thing in my life. And, even, with you ~I crave everything about you ~ yet I so easily wander and lose focus. Heather said 'only you can change my heart.' 'Only you can change my heart.' 'Only you can change my heart.'

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\____________________________

Only you. Only you. How do I give it to you to change? Do I have to? Will you just take it? Please? I'm slow. I'm unresponsive. I grab onto you for the shock. We get a good rhythm and I get up and move. I don't want to move anymore. I need you. Please keep me Lord. Please save me...from myself. I know I was created in your image to bring you glory. Please make me look more like you and most of all forgive me. Please always and daily be my Savior. Please make me bring you glory. Thank you that you are God. Thank you most of all that I am not. You are God. I'm an oxymoron.

In Jesus' name,
Amen"

Two pictures...

Today has been a good day. Have a great week!

8 random things

The Rules:
1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write a post on their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. (if you don't have a blog, email me)
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read their blog.

Before I tell you 8 random facts about me I must tell you that we spent the last couple of days with Grandmama, Natalie's Great-Grandmama. We had a lot of fun with the family and can't wait to make it back over soon. Natalie is talking more and more. She learned to say "shshshoes" the other day. Chris is already clutching his wallet quite tightly. She also says "bubbles" and "uh-oh". We thought uh-oh was so cute, but since she is using it appropriately, I'm learning to jump fast when she says this. Here are the pics and then, hang on for the random facts.


Natalie eating breakfast with Aunt Pam. Natalie is a big eater and this was her third breakfast of the morning.









Grandmama and Natalie are having a good time looking at each other. Natalie is giving out a kiss in the next picture.




Natalie is attacking Dustin...then the Jack in the Box is attacking Natalie. She thought this thing was hilarious, but she a little afraid too...














8 Random Facts about me...

1. I rarely ever drive with my shoes on...

2. I discovered yesterday that jelly fish really do sting every part of your body they touch.

3. I cannot run effectively in water.

4. I hate go carts.

5. I do not like any creature that God created on the fifth day. If it has wings or scales, I have no need for it.

6. I hardly ever use a pillow.

7. I always check the protein content of my chocolate, it makes me feel better.

8. I sleep with Christopher Robin ;-)

Now, I'm tagging Mom, Dad, DJ, Sarah, Beth, Scott D., Aunt Martha, and finally, my hubby. I'd better here back from you all! (For anyone interested, click on Megan, she has the best list.)

Miracle Bash

Yesterday we had a back to school bash at the church. I should say, God had a back to school bash at the church. He blessed us by allowing us to bask in His presence. He brought over 1500 people to the church. He gave away 680 backpacks, complete with school supplies each child would need. He gave away clothes and shoes and jewelery. He gave away modern day loaves and fishes that we call hot dogs and hamburgers. He fed over 1300 people, and we had just enough left over. People walked into the door and asked Ms. Alma and me,

"are the school supplies really free?"

"yes."

How bout the clothes, are they really free?"

"yes, it's all free."

"Even the snow cones, the hot dogs, and the Bibles."

"Definitely, free, enjoy your day."

"The inside games, the face painting and stuff."

"Seriously, no strings, it's all free have fun."

That conversation was repeated literally a thousand times. I can't tell you how many miracles we each saw yesterday. We had mostly the same backpacks, with a few exceptions. We had all the same ones left for the middle schoolers. I picked up the bag and handed it to a cute 6th grader. As I picked it up, there was a backpack underneath I hadn't seen before. He stopped, stared, and said, "mam, can I have that one, that's the one I've been wanting." My answer, "yes, God put it here just for you today." I've never seen brighter eyes. God gave a homeless woman school supplies for her kids, clothes, food, and most of all hope." We're going to keep working with her. Parents that can't afford to take their kids on vacation, thanked workers countless times for the day. They told us their kids NEVER get to do anything like this because they can't afford it. And, there was the woman who came to church this morning. I had the privilege of sitting next to her. She thanked the church for the supplies for her grand kids. And for the baby stuff for her daughter's child, due in a few months. She said she had to come and see these people today who loved others so much. Miracle, after miracle, after miracle. We did nothing fancy. We gave out free food, free clothes, and free school supplies. We had games. God, He did all the fancy stuff. He made backpacks appear and kept the food and drinks coming. He gave out the laughter and the music. He painted faces and handed out His word. He laughed, hugged, kissed, and talked. He is God, and He showed up to do what God does. Miracles. One man asked why everything was free. Our go to guy-Paul-said because God's love, it's free.

Free. Miracles for the taking... Anyone interested? ;-)

Some pics from the day...

PS. We had four huge slides, sitting on our retention pond. We had a lot of rain this week. This ground should have had several inches of water standing it after all the rain Friday. On Saturday morning it was dry...lots of miracles.

Natalie Blue Eyes

Just a few pics from this weekend. Natalie enjoys tormenting Lexi (black dog) and Mocha. Lexi takes anything, we should have named her Eeyore. Mocha isn't so sure about Natalie. Have a great day!

"Deep fried baby Jesus"

Well, now that I have your attention. This "title" came about last weekend when our friends, Heather and Amy were here. To set the mood, we had been together all weekend, had numerous alter universe experiences, and laughed a ton. This leads us to Sunday night and tired. Tired being the place where all good spiritual conversations get their start. As we were discussing different denominations, Heather said that she believes Oprah is the pastor of the largest church in America. I agreed and said that I believe Oprah's theology is a bit like the movie Runaway Bride. In the movie, Julia Robert's character always likes her eggs the same way that her boyfriend does. I said I think Oprah is like this with Jesus. She appears to have a varying relationship with him based on who she is talking with. Mix this conversation in with a little Taladagga Nights and you get "deep fried baby Jesus." All joking aside, I've rolled this around in my head a lot this week. As Christians we tend to conform Jesus to our ideas, rather then conforming our ideas to Jesus' standard. If I want to do something questionable today, say a sin, I scramble Jesus. I say He is confusing, contradictory and hard to understand. If I'm angry I throw Him into the pot and boil Him. I yell and scream and pretend that He told me this life would be easy, when He in fact, told me the opposite. Sometimes, we even dress Jesus up to look appealing. Very, very audacious of us. We sprinkle bread crumbs on emotions and throw Him into the grease when it's hot. We wait until people are tired and we talk about hell and grandma waiting for us in heaven and we guilt people into conversions, but not relationships. We start as spiritual babies and we are too content to allow others to stay this way. Or worse, we are more then content to never grow up ourselves. As a pastor's wife I have caught myself saying many times, "when we can all graduate from middle school, Christians will be effective." My egg list could go on and on. We poach Him, fry Him hard, and occasionally we serve Jesus over easy, so as not to offend anyone. Jesus is Jesus. He is Savior and Lord. He cannot be changed. Our descriptions hurt us, not Him. We expect lesser things from Jesus when we make Him anything but exalted in our lives. Jesus refers to us, the Church, as His bride. I think it is time we all stop running away.

I'm back...

Hooray for us!!! We finally have the Internet at our house. I can rejoin civilization and be a part of life again. It's so funny that we moved to a huge city, but without Internet, I felt more isolated then I did in Iowa. Anyways, most of you know we weren't getting Internet until I have a job. So...obviously, I got a job. God totally set this up. I'm going to be joining Megan with Hospice. I'll be working as a PRN social worker for hospice. This is ideal for me because I get to tell them when I'm available to work. This is a huge hospice, with over 1,000 patients currently, so they need the help. They tell me that they will most likely be able to schedule me when I want to work. I'm excited and nervous. I went into social work so I could work at hospice. Now that the opportunity is here, I'm a little scared. But, I'm also looking forward to walking people through the only thing we all have in common in this life. I ask for your prayers as I learn. There are five offices, four houses, and a triage location, so I have a lot to learn. Any advice Megan???
As for being here, we are liking it. Natalie threw her first official tantrum the other day. It lasted longer then 30 minutes and carried over into three rooms. Every time I left the room to ignore her, she stopped crying walked to me so she knew I could see her, then threw herself back down and screamed. It was lovely. My mom tells me that persistence is an admirable quality to have. I'll appreciate it more when she is persistently doing something productive. :-) Chris is great and loving it here. It feels like home to him and I can tell he is good. Without corn pollen to be allergic to, he is exercising, losing weight, and moving forward. I didn't realize how bad he felt in Iowa until we were here for a while. However, to all you Iowa folks, we do miss you terribly. I still wish we could have moved you with us. I look forward to heaven for many reasons, one of which is so that we can finally be all together. I'll update with pics soon. Have a great day of worship tomorrow. God is good!

Lots of pictures

Sorry it has been so long. We've been on a trip to Iowa, West Virginia, celebrated Natalie's first birthday, and been busy with summer. I don't have long, but I wanted to put pictures on here for you all. These pictures are from Natalie's birthday party in both Iowa and West Virginia. There are also some from our zoo trip with Padre' and Nanny. Enjoy...more soon. Love you all!

More pictures

My new thing!

Just a quick blog. Natalie's new idea is to wear this backpack EVERYWHERE. She greatly protests anytime we need to remove it. She is exerting much more independence these days. I'm not quite sure I was ready for this yet. For those of you who know us, you are obviously as baffled as we are that we would have a stubborn child. :-) I keep trying to be consistent, but I am always wondering which battles are worth fighting. She looks cute holding our cell phones to her ear and saying "ello." But, when she starts dialing China, I have to say no. Then, she screams, arches her back, and dramatically falls down. Amazingly enough, she quickly regains her composure and is off again, to the cabinets, the bathroom, the dog bowl, the list is endless. I'm thankful we have good dogs. This morning, I watched Natalie push our older dog Lexi away from the food dish. Natalie then got a handful of food, walked it to our other dog, Mocha, and gave it to her. Everyone was fine and happy. Lexi ate as Natalie walked away, Natalie got to touch the food and our fat dog Mocha got to eat without getting up. All is well at Natalie's house. I hope all is well at yours. If your reading this in Iowa, we can't wait to see you next week!!! Only one more week, Nate and Leah, till your married. YEAH!!!

Natalie versus the tornado...

Yesterday, Natalie and I went to join Tara, Sarah, and Nancy at St. Augustine Beach. It was cloudy, but warm as we stepped onto the beach. Natalie loved the water and thought the ocean waves were so fun as they knocked her down again and again. Tara and I kept holding her close as we noted the waves were rough. After a few minutes we started to hear thunder. So we made our way back to the towels. We looked over and saw the storm coming. It looked pretty and way off in the distance. A minute later the lifeguard packed up his stuff and walked off the beach. We should have followed immediately, but he said we had "ten minutes till it starts raining." So we started gathering up our stuff, while we chatted away. All of the sudden it was pouring. Lightening flashed everywhere around us and the wind was blowing sand so hard that it hurt. We grabbed anything we could and we all started running. I wrapped two towels around Natalie and held her close. The wind was so fierce and the rain so hard, that I couldn't open my eyes. I knew there were steps coming so I kept trying to force them open. We ran with all our might. We made it to a shelter as the lifeguard laughed at us. It wasn't much with the downpour so we made it to the car. We drove back to the condo in awe. The stop lights were out. Trees were laying across roof tops and car. One huge tree in front of the condo was uprooted, along with the sidewalk. We couldn't believe we ran through this. Later that afternoon one of the maintenance guys told us a tornado hit the beach. After living in Iowa, I wasn't convinced. But, later that night, as Chris and I watched the news the man said, one confirmed tornado on Crescent beach. Chris just stared at me. He said, "I moved you from tornado alley so you could find the one tornado today in the state?" "Yeah," I said, "you did, and your baby was wrapped in two blankets." Natalie laughed the entire time we ran to the car. She giggled right in my ear in sheer delight. She didn't realize she was in any danger. She was in Mommy's arms with fun stuff falling from the sky. To be honest, we all laughed as we ran. It was fun to run through the rain. It was fun to hear her laugh and to feel soaking wet to the bone. It felt refreshing. We didn't realize we were any danger either. It was just fun stuff falling from the sky. And besides, we were all wrapped up too, in God's arms.

Here we are

Just a quick blog to let everyone know we survived the move. We don't have Internet at our house yet, so I'm at the church blogging. Our move was an adventure. The movers arrived three days after they were supposed to and it just got better from there. However, eventually Chris, his dad and mom, Sarah, Natalie, the two dogs, all of our staff, and me ended up here. We are getting settled, and when I'm not alone in Chris' office with Natalie I'll blog more details. Just a few quick pics of Natalie for everyone. We got to meet Chris' Uncle Raymond last week, he wasn't much interested in me, but thought Natalie was great. He loved us calling him Uncle Raymond...we knew he liked Natalie when he offered to share his new hat. The other pics are of Natalie in her frog pool. Have a great week. Hopefully, more soon.

Last Sunday in Villisca

This morning was one I've been dreading for months. It was our last Sunday here in Villisca. It's so hard to leave a group of people that we love dearly and who love us too. They know me pretty well by now. As you can see in the picture, one of the couples in the church gave me an Oreo Cookie Jar for a going away present. It couldn't be more perfect. Last night was our going away party. All these pictures where there. Natalie really wanted to be "big girl" and play with the other kids. She isn't shy at all. I know people will love her in her new town, but it is sure hard to leave so many Grandma's and Grandpa's here. God is good, and we keep saying we are glad that people aren't running us out of town. As we drove into town last night, I looked to my right and saw all the sheep. I am confident I will not see sheep 1/2 mile from our new house. We are bracing ourselves for extreme culture shock. We are also bracing ourselves for God sightings all around us. He is calling us to move. That means He is calling someone else here. When God says go, I have to listen. He has plans far beyond my imagination. I'm looking forward to seeing them unfold. For the people here, for the people there, for us, and for the little one sleeping in the next room.

The next blog...sometime when the dust has settled.

Recent pictures

Hey everyone,
We are moving a week from tomorrow. The time is flying by. We are trying to get ready. Natalie is walking really well now which is keeping it interesting. She was unpacking boxes today as fast as I was packing them. Thankfully, the movers will be packing most everything for us. We've had lots of horrible storms and flooding here this weekend. There were two tornadoes within twenty miles of us Saturday night. Several farmers lost barns and livestock. The rivers are still rising, and we are supposed to get rain the next couple of days. Anyways, I say all of that to ask for your prayers for the farms. Most planted corn last week and are obviously concerned. That's about all of our news for now. Have a great week.

Natalie with her dolls.





Giving Mommy a kiss. :-)




















Walking...walking...walking...






















Walking away from Mommy....














One of her favorite toys, this car is awesome!

Our life

Sorry it has been a while, we've been running around like crazy. Natalie is walking better and better each day. Today, she traveled all the way across the living room. She is so proud of herself too. Candy is here for the week, which is wonderful. She is watching Natalie while we attempt to get ready to move. Today, we tackled our basement, and got a lot accomplished. We have a huge trash pile. Anyways, I was packing and feeling a bit sad when I came across something I wrote when I first moved to cornland. God definitely put it back into my hands this afternoon. So I thought I would share it with you. Here it is:

We have been told this is what life is all about. Some of us hate it, while other thrive on it. No matter our feelings, if we live, it will happen. But, whoever told us life is all about change, lied.

I discovered this lie in recent months as my life changed dramatically. I was a single youth pastor focused on those lives God was bringing into my path. Now I live half way across the country from those teens and have been handed an entirely new ministry. I am engaged to a pastor. Yep, I'm going to be a pastor's wife. I packed my life into a moving truck, got lost in thought about my fiance' and moved far away from home.

I was at peace about this transition and adjusting fairly well to the small town until I looked around the church and discovered I had no place. My heart tells me to invest in the kids; however, God is placing far more then children in my path these days. I came home and sobbed. I told God I missed my family, my friends, and the disciples He had given me. Quite simply, I told God I missed my life.

Somewhere in the middle of my chaotic night, God spoke. He explained to me, I did not pack my life into a moving truck, nor did I leave it. My life was not even new. Just when I thought I was hallucinating, I was brilliant enough to open God's word. "For you have died and your life has been hidden with Christ in God." Years before I was a youth pastor my life became Christ's. He hid it for me with God. "When Christ, who is our life..." becomes a reality for us, we suddenly realize our life never changes. Our circumstances and surrounding do, but we are safe, we are loved, and we are still His.

Those boxes cannot hold my life. Jesus breaks the tape every time I try to put Him into one. He will not be confined or closed up. He will not be put in a corner or on a shelf. And He certainly will never allow us to cry out to Him that we miss our lives without running to meet us in our tears and reminding us He has never left. We may face hundreds of things on earth that shake us up and test our faith. Our life though is not shaken or tested. He who looses his life here on earth will find life in Christ. Life in Christ gives us love, hope, grace, and mercy. Life hidden with God is good and it is constant. "Jesus Christ IS the same yesterday, today, and forever." Our life was secure yesterday, it is secure today, and it will be secure for forever. The forever part happens to be my favorite.

Thanks for all your prayers. If you know Christ, treasure the fact that your life is hidden today with God. I cannot think of a safer place to hide something so precious. If you don't know Christ, I encourage you to talk with Him today. He loves you more then you can imagine.

Andrea's wedding

Here are a few pictures from Andrea's wedding. The bride and groom were beautiful and we are hoping they are having a fun honeymoon! I'll e-mail the rest of the pictures to the family soon. I'm leaving for Women of Faith tomorrow. I think we'll have a fun girls weekend. A lot of the girls from Bible Study and Church are going. I'm going to keep this short, I have a friend walking through the door as I'm typing. Have a great weekend!

Our prayer...

Dear Father,
We know so many people are hurting. We know there is nothing we can say or do to make the hurt stop. But God, You can comfort in ways unimaginable to us. Please do that right now. You know the name of every victim. Hold their families so close it is obvious to them that you have enveloped them in your arms. We are angry with the shooter, but we know, somewhere, someone loves him. Be with that mom tonight. Help her racing mind to quiet and allow her to sit curled in your lap. Remind us God that we are never satisfied with answers to a question of why? Remind us our questions should be centered on who? Who is coming again to rescue us? Who will abolish death and the grave forever? Who wipes away tears? Who holds hands? Who comforts? Who knows us? You do God. All we ask is that you be God in the lives of all who are touched by such a tragedy. You call death the enemy in your word Lord. Today we all agree with such a description. We trust you and thank you for the promise of your return; for the promise of eternal life for your children. Please show all of us how to help you comfort those who are hurt.
In Jesus' name,
Amen